FOR PLACEMENT ONLY

Senate democrats' new failing technique is unstoppable

4. The entire United States Senate is flying on a plane when its engines start to fail. The plane starts falling through the sky. There are 100 senators on board, but only 41 parachutes. The Democrats say, “Let’s give all the parachutes to the Republicans—that way we can just sit on our fat asses and die while the plane crashes because we’re a bunch of self-hating pussies.”

5 Jokes About The Apparent Eagerness Of Certain Democratic Members Of Congress To Abandon Health Care Reform In Light Of Scott Brown’s Electoral Victory @ mnftiu.

All-white basketball league announced day before MLK day. No, really.

The All-American Basketball Alliance announced in a news release Sunday evening that it intends to start its inaugural season in June and hopes Augusta will be one of 12 cities with a team.

"Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league," the statement said.

Augusta Chronicle via Stevo's Facebook post.

[This space reserved for clever reference to a film about basketball starring Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes]

Neglect or domination... neglect or domination...

Ugh, so hard to choose.

NYT via fafblog, which you should bookmark immediately.

Why

In response to why can't i @ lolblog

Correction

A Nov. 26 article in the District edition of Local Living incorrectly said a Public Enemy song declared 9/11 a joke. The song refers to 911, the emergency phone number.

Actually, for real published at washingtonpost.com - i did not make this up.

Nor did lolblog, who found it first.

Oh also we're both about eight years old

I'm not sure exactly where we are, but it seems to be some kind of boardwalk. It's late morning, and we're hurrying to get set up. We've got what appears to be a kit for creating two stands: one for selling ice cream, the other for selling VHS tapes. Your half is the ice cream stand, mine is the movie stand. Oh also we're both about eight years old. Your have bangs and slightly untidy pigtails a few inches long. I think i have something like a messy bowl cut, sticking to my forehead in the heat.

The kit is basically a single large box, which can be broken down and reconfigured into the dual stands. With its two halves packed with goods and separated by a middle wall, it reminds me a little bit of a giant Nerds box.

A seagull tries to land on it; we shoo it away. In my rush to open it, i tear the cardboard a little bit where the adhesive is too strong. You pause for just a moment to glare at me. We're hardly speaking, intently unpacking our tiny retail duplex. We don't have the instructions, so we're figuring it out as we go.

The stupid seagull tries to land on the box again, and again we yell "Hey!" and shake the box.

"Back to the Future!" i say, having finally gotten to my stash of tapes. "And Karate Kid! Awesome!"

I reflect for a moment on how odd it is that i have a box of VHS tapes, instead of DVDs. But it makes sense that they would all be old titles. Then it slowly dawns on me… why am i eight years old? I look at you… Wait, i didn't even know you when i was a kid - i hardly know you as an adult. How can i know anything about being an adult, and how can i have memories of being a little kid if i am a little kid? This is not how time works. I'm confused, how can this possibly be happening? I stare intently at the cover of Karate Kid, puzzled.

That's about as close as i get to figuring it out. The damned seagull lands on the half-unpacked ice cream and video booth and i wake up to cold, grown-up Brooklyn.

Snow Totoro!

Via Epic Win FTW

LOL (that's all i got, just LOL)

via TitaniumDreads and roughly a gazillion other sources.

It's all just entertainment.

I'm a guest on a Japanese daytime talk show, hosted by two young men. They are both seated across a desk from me, and my back is to the audience. The host to my right is wearing a fedora and i think maybe a vest. His style is excited, fast paced, one joke after another - constantly getting laughs from the audience with jokes in Japanese that i can't understand. The one to my left is quiet, with a cold, disinterested demeanor. The grumpy one. Both Fedora's jokes and Grumpy's subtle changes in frown are punctuated by loud sound effects.

After a lengthy introduction (involving lots of laughs), a metal tray is placed on the desk. I know this is my cue for the one thing scripted for me in this exchange. I reach into my chest (there is a complete absence of physics to this process) and pull out my heart. Still beating, i place it on the tray. there is no pain associated with this, no sensation at all. I realize at this point that it's just part of a joke that i won't understand, but i don't feel particularly bothered by this. There is general anxiety - i've never been on a talk show, i don't speak the language, there are loud sound effects and a large group of people behind me, laughing. But although i feel as though i'm the object of the jokes, i don't feel that anything is at my expense. It's all just entertainment.

And it's not Bento

Following Bento's lead, i'm just pasting in the message i sent to her when i woke up.

I'm on the phone - it's you on the other end. You're falling alseep, and for some reason this is a very bad thing. I'm looking for someone who's supposed to be able to help you, while on the phone with you - they're supposed to be somewhere nearby i think. I keep saying your name, but it's not working. That's how it feels - not that you're not answering, but that your name is not working. I'm trying to remember what name i'm supposed to say that will work, but i can't think of it. I think the person i'm looking for knows the name. And it's not Bento.